Happiness is found in moments, instants that transpire in series, having no predictable pattern or sequence. We live dynamic lives which force us to constantly adapt, causing our emotional states to fluctuate. The experience of the human condition would garner no appreciation if we were not familiar with the spectrum of sensations. We constantly evolve as individuals, learning from experiences both terrible and wonderful alike and embracing the influences of those experiences as we approach the next.
The truly fascinating aspect of people is that though our perspectives and characteristics may truly isolate us, we face challenges together. We actively seek understanding and support from those around us; we desire to feel less alone. Growing, not necessarily as a collective unit, but in the company of others creates more moments of happiness than growing alone. This requires a comfort level with intimacy, and perhaps necessary in that is self-awareness.
To address this intimacy in relationships, perhaps the trick to maintaining mutually beneficial relationships, those that produce some measure of positive emotion, is to know oneself. One must possess a strong sense of self, and have grown familiar with personal qualities, in order to predict the directions in which to undergo this lifelong developmental process. Along the way we find those who are headed down a similar general path. The unpredictability factor induces strain on relationships, self-perceptions and desires oscillate over the course of a lifetime, there are too many moving parts so we “Compromise.” The word is now seen negatively as we encourage and facilitate individual progress over collective success, but as with everything there should be balance.
Marriage is one of the byproducts of organized religion and how we now conceive relationships in civilized society, but it contradicts not only common sense but our natural instincts.
If we take a close look at where the family model originated, it becomes apparent that the exponential development of the human race and the current state of society make it unrealistic and unreasonable. The world has taken evolutionary leaps and bounds that have changed human interaction along with every other cultural habit, and these transformations make the institution of marriage all but obsolete. Based on sheer numbers and probability, there is no one person for all of us because there are just too many people. About fifty years ago people would stay together out of necessity, not because it was the right match or because the chemistry was eternally strong, but because there just weren’t many other options . . . or to say the very least, people didn’t take advantage of personal opportunities or explore individual endeavors as we do now.
The idea of true love is a beautiful one, and that’s the reason that movies, music, and media capitalize on the magnificent emotion that no one can seem to explain, the one that inspires us to take illogical steps and act selflessly. We dream of it and seek it out relentlessly because there is no feeling in the world quite like someone’s mere presence making your heart skip a beat. One of our most wonderful and inexplicable attributes is that sensitivity to another’s touch, the sensation that can make you forget to breathe. It is a wonder that we almost hate to analyze, something that should almost be a mystery because its perplexing nature makes it more powerful.
The modern conception is that we get married because this powerful emotion doesn’t go away over time, or find itself outwitted and muted by life’s stressors, but just as evolution is a dynamic process, so too is the innate self-exploration that accompanies existence. Marriage also finds its rationale amongst the historical pages of male dominance, where a father hands his daughter off to another man to be sheltered and cared for, or farther back still when the strongest alpha male claimed a female to be his own and threatened all competitors with death. We are animals after all, and natural instinct is reproduction . . . as evidenced by our severe issues of over-population.
Is monogamy itself pragmatic in our society? There is no real answer, but based on current divorce rates, it is fair to assume that it stands less of a chance than a lively single life full of varying interactions. The trend is to get married later and later, drawing back to the discussion of individual goal achievement and self-reliance. The newest philosophy seems to be that being a satisfied individual is pivotal to playing a positive role in another’s life . . . whatever role that may be. Prior to about thirteen years ago it didn’t seem to matter if we were personally happy, but with the emergence of positive psychology we are now doing ourselves a disservice by constantly expecting to be. The moments that resonate lose value if they are not accompanied by the occasional hardship that makes us appreciate them.
It’s about more than that though, isn’t it? Connection is about feeling like we’re not alone in this world, and in order to authentically bond in any meaningful way, we must first know ourselves.
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